Jeremiah 20:11

AH! There is so much hurt bottled up in my heart - I can't take it! I should have kept up better with this, I know... But you better believe it called me back... Writing in this soothes my soul.

First off, since this is so fresh, for the second time ever I took a look at CraigsList's discussion forums (I'm such a loser, I know), and for some odd reason, I clicked on "grief", despite the fact I have yet to lose somebody close to me due to death (THANK THE LORD). I clicked on a woman's post at random - It was her first time writing about the loss of her baby right before the birth. At the end of the post, she talked about how she thought her daughter and father (whom she had also lost recently) were her guardian angels. The very first reply? This guy had the guts to tell her that there was no such thing as God or Angels. He tore into the poor woman! My first thought was how tragic and awful this reply is to a mourning mother. You just don't do that. Fortunately, the guy was put in his place by others who were somewhat compassionate to this woman's situation. I know I don't have all of the answers, but I do know that I have a loving father up in heaven who has absolutely everything under control. He has a plan, always. Along with grief and mourning comes the inevitable heaven/hell controversy. I was so saddened to read about people's crushed faith and about those who tried with all of their power to stray others from God, but one woman's post blew me out of the water. She had been infected by AIDS at age 12 by rape, and is now 38 years old. She was in incredible pain and had been for decades, and she decided she was ready to end her life. This thread made me realize that my life is far too comfortable. I'm too healthy, too loved, too happy, too sheltered, too blessed. People responded in such different ways, but you better believe that all of the Christians were immediately persecuted for sharing Jesus Christ with the woman. The post started a couple of days ago, and the woman was responding to the comments, but after a LOT of writing, it just stopped. Who knows if this is even legitimate, but you better believed I prayed anyway. I hope this woman is okay, wherever she is, and decided against suicide (she was going to overdose on heroine). My heart aches for this woman who has given up on God. And my heart hurts for those posting who don't know Christ. All I know is that this woman is permanently on my heart - I'm so sheltered, and it takes weird stuff like random CraigsList discussion forums to remind me that if I'm living comfortably, I am not living for Christ. Kristen, we've got to step it up.

I am going to take some time after I am done writing to pray again for that woman, for Kevin's work friend who is in critical condition in the hospital, and for guidance with school and work. I also need to thank him IMMENSELY for the blessings he reins over me on a daily basis...

Lastly, I want ALL of you to watch this video. It made me bawl my eyes out... but in a good way. Give it a shot... it really epitomizes Jesus' love for all of us.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Nig4Rbeoqwk <-----Just do it.

But the Lord is with me as a dread warrior;therefore my persecutors will stumble; they will not overcome me. They will be greatly shamed, for they will not succeed. Their eternal dishonorwill never be forgotten.
Jeremiah 20:11

-Kristen